Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Saturday continue....

So here I am, as per the promise I have to complete the story of that special and different “Saturday”. It was sharp 7:45 pm when I left from my favorite cafe (Due to it's economic rate and good speed). I reached the Z bridge. I saw the couples sitting in a row with the sidewall along the passage. I also spotted small kids trying to sell balloon to the couples. These small balloon sellers know that they should always target a young unmarried couple because probability of balloon to be sold is higher as these young unmarried couples always try to get rid of them to spend some time alone. And most of the time Balloon sellers are successful in this tactic.

The breeze was chilly and turning chiller in that starlit night. I had never seen so many stars in the sky as it was on that Saturday. It seem that stars are trying to approach the Pune that night and the Z bridge was just a kind of "Bindi with stars" on the face of Pune. Things were too beautiful however the strife in my mind was too intricate to enjoy beautiful things. The whole incident of noon kept shaking me and I was still feeling her voice..her tone and the way she said those words to me, it was really difficult to believe if it actually did not happen and everything was a dream. 

I kept staring at the flowing water in the Mutha River and recite a poem, and something did come up from the heart:

What if she would say ‘No’ if I propose her,
Death must not come to me anyway;
What if I would have been from same cast and religion,
There would never be a chance of “May!!!”

I know I love her from the core of my heart,
What if she would not have the same feeling what I have for her;
I know I would never want to see her cry any way,
What if she doesn’t know that I can die for her smiley face.

What if I could have removed this “What if” from our story,
And everything would have been so simple;
Things could have been apparent and not so blurry,
She could always be there in front of me and I could see her dimples.

As soon as I thought about calling her and tell her how I feel about made me nervus and I started sweating in that chilly night. It was completely a different feeling...a kind of fear to loss something. It was something what I never felt before in my entire life. I tried tossing the coin and thought that I would call her if it fell on head side. The best thing about tossing a coin is that head or tail doesn't matter as you would automatically know what your heart actually wants when the coin is in the air. Similarly, I also knew what I wanted though I still was not daring enough to take that step. 

Finally my fingers again proved to be stronger than my heart, and I dialled her number and there it went.....tring tring.......(mind kept strifing....what would she think)tring tring.......(its almost 8:45 and I am calling her).........tring tring.....tring tring......(herry can you keep quiet!!!)tring ring. No one picked the phone, which increased the tensions in my veins and I was more nerves now. Then I thought not to give up and tried the number again convincing that she might be busy somewhere.....tring tring....(what if she doesn't want to pick my call)....tring tring(what if she get upset as I am calling her at this hour)......tring tring.......Hello....(And my heart beats increased...).

I lost for a few seconds in her sweet 'hello' and woke up when she asked; "Hemant!!!!!kem chho", I replied; "Maja ma". Then she said, "Itni raat ko kya hua". "I was just feeling like talking to you..and don't worry aaj exam nai hai", I replied. She responsed, "You know my family..they never like if someone calls me after 8pm, by the way..what happened to you..itni raat ko to exam bhi nai hai jo tum bahane se call karo; is everything alright"?she smiled. (That actually sounded a bit caring). "I just wrote a poem and felt like reciting it for you", I replied with a conscious tone. And she immediately answered, "I don't want to listen any poem...." and whe kept mum for few seconds and waited for my reply. It seemed that she was kidding but I was not sure if she was serious and could not interpret the tone. Finally she opened her mouth to say, "Offcourse I would like to!!!"
I was so happy to hear that. and I recite the same poem, I was waiting for so long for this and here's the chance...I wanted to live this moment to the fullest and I immediately responded. It was so sponteneous like a curious student answered a question as it was asked by the teacher and she would never have expected that; 

I can be silly if you want me to be so, I could be serious if you think so; I would become a joker and shall never mind..... After all you are my world; I can do anything to make you mind.
"So was that for your girlfriend?", She asked with a tone as she was not aware that I never had a girlfriend until she had come to my life. "May be for my future girlfriend", I replied mischievously. She nodded. There was silence and no one dared to speak for some time. Then I broke the ice by asking how she is doing. She replied, "Why are you calling so many times, you never did so before". "We used to talk atleast once in a day when we were in the office and now you never do so. I just felt like talking to you.", I replied. She said, "No Hemant, I know what you are trying to say but my family is not like that. I can't go out like other girls and they never allow me to do something which is out of the way and our culture. I want to make it very clear now and don't want you to live with any expectation which might hurt you in future."

I tried to say something but I just kept quiet. I was not able to speak and she understood that and broke the silence with her sweet voice, "Hemant, I am keeping the phone..I have to go to sleep now, please don't feel bad about what I said..Good night." 

And that beautiful night turned into nightmare. I couldn't believe what she said and found it hard to stand on my feet. I sat there for almost one hour, quiet, astonished, unaware.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Different Saturday!!!!!!

Saturday had always been same for me however this one was completely different.

I don't know but when I woke up and saw one incoming call on my cellfone from her number. She never called me so I couldn't believe and kept staring at the incoming call list and her number. It was 11:30 am and I was feeling sleepy so I didn't try to notice or call her because I missed her call however I kept trying to figure it out who actually attended this call becaus my Bro was not at home. Then I thought to call her, who else could tell me better if she had called me or not. On the top of that I couldn't recall if I talked to her or not (sometimes I curse my memory).

I was afraid if I had told her something what she might not like. At the same time there were thousand things running across my mind.

Finally I (the strong side of mine) dialled her number and clicked on the red button on the cellphone before ring. I tried couple of times and did the same thing unless my strong side manage to win my weak side and here's the voice for which I can do anything; "hello, hello.........!!!" I don't know but I kept mum, lost into her voice so much that my mind was blank with only one picture in my mind and that was hers. I suddenly tried to regain my consiousness and answer the call; 'hey, how are you doing...I guess you callled me and I was what are you doing' (shut up Hemant..don't ask to many questions at one time, I said to myself). And she again spoke in her sweet voice; "Yup, I called you but you were too busy sleeping so I hung up".

I tried to convince and gave assurance to myself that she was right and I didn't say anything else to her (I was still doubtfull, as I had this habbit to speak anything while I am assleep and it actually happened once when one of my fried called me and talked to me for an hour when I was sleeping).

She said again; "where are you now, are you still sleepy?" I woke up and realized that she was on phone and I was thinking, but I still managed to reply; "I was wondering if we can meet today or tomorrow". (Oh my god!!!! did I actually say that???I can't believe it). Than there was a long silence, seems all the traffic in my street had been asked to stop and that further increased my tension and blood in my veins started flowing faster than usual. Fan stopped to make sound and suddenly there was a voice breaking this sound..offcourse it was hers; "Why do you want to meet, we hardly talk twice or thrice a week and now this meeting thing..are you allright Hemant!!! you know my family would never allow me to meet a guy alone and I never did this in my life." It was a sudden shock for me and I started feeling like a guy in Afganistan who asked a girl to meet him and why the hell I always like girls whose parents want them to get married and produce children (I read this in Kite runner by Khalid Hussaini). I tried my best to think of a response and said; "I just wanted to see you..its been long time".

I actually said that without any second thoughts in my mind I wondered how I could be so bold to say all these things. I patted on the strong side of mine and ball was in her court and I really hate this game of passing balls to each other's court and wait for the response.

"Thak Thak Thak....Doorbell ring...tingtong..tingtong". And I woke up cursing myself that it was all dream...what if Saurabh would have come a bit later and she could say something after my daring answer to her strange question. (doorbell kept ringing...)What if all this would have happened in real and she would be ready to meet me this evening. (doorbell kept ringing...)What if..What if... and I opened the door with this 'What if' in my mind and this grew my belief stronger that my Bro is a real brat who always come at the wrong time and never come when I am dreaming something really bad or scary. I gave him a weird look which he did not understand and I rolled myself in the blanket again with a hope to see the same dream.

I wish if there would have been a rewind or repeat button to repeat the dreams. I started cursing all the scientist in the world if they could have done something in this field as well, after all this was necessary for me and they always say, "Necessity is the mother of invention". And I wonder why not in my case?

See you guys and I shall complete this episode of today very soon as I have other plans for today evening.

Thanks for your visit...


Monday, November 16, 2009

Atlast I found out my deleted post!!!!!

Well, it’s not really easy to maintain a blog and I experienced it today when I deleted one of my post by mistake. I started going nuts as that post also had few comments and comments are the salary of a blogger.

I tried searching on Google and found my deleted post in cache. By the way I am posting it again. This was posted on Sunday, September 27, 2009:

Ask me and I shall become what you want...
I can be silly if you want me to be so.........
I could be serious if you think so................
I would become a joker and shall never mind...
After all you are my world; I can do anything to make you mine…

See how much I love my blog like my own baby and can't afford to

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Life goes on....

Hi All,

I know you might be waiting for me to update my blog and thank you for giving so many visits in past 1 month.

Life seems to be so easy and sometimes so complicated that you adjust yourself in a routine and you are so reluctant to come out of it. Has it ever happened to anyone of you that you start enjoying the privacy that results in avoiding group meets and trips? It’s actually happening with me these days.

It’s Saturday. I am experiencing the same Saturday 3rd time and I am avoiding any chance to break this routine. This routine includes my 2 hours at IPRU (My part time office) then college for preparation of pending project followed by my 3 hours which is usually 3:30 to 6:30 in the same corner of the college where I can see a perfect sunset with my best friend i.e. mostly a Book. And I am so happy with this perfect Saturday that I decided not to go to Lonavala with Sumit.

This week was a cocktail of good and bad. We were tensed as we had to seek for a guarantor so that my younger bro's two wheeler loan could be approved. I was hesitating asking anyone of my friend because I know it’s not an easy decision to be the guarantor for loan. I asked one of my friends and he said that he could not give because his dad forbids him to do so and I had to take that bullshit of dad.

By the way, my brother knows one of the Aunti at a place where he stayed for 2 years in a hostel. He approached Aunti. Aunti made him talk to Uncle and he accepted to be the guarantor without any problem. Now I don’t know the definition of ‘Marathi Manoos’ given by Raaj Thakre or some other Neta, but I found this ‘Marathi Manoos’ great. Uncle was so simple and ready to help without even knowing us. I simply appreciated him and also requested him to call me whenever he would be in difficulty any time in future. Someone (don’t remember name)has rightly said; “Duniya me abhi bhi achhe logo ki ginti bure logo se jyada hai aur tabhi duniya chal rahi hai”.

Finally loan was approved and we felt a bit easier but problems in life are too many to handle and one has to be strong enough to live up to them. It goes on with all the twists and turns being the spices of the dish called life....

This is complete fiction and not to be compared with anyone's life. If the same matches your life, it may be a coincident :)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

And she cried, cried and cried.....

I wanted to say NO but it's been a long time I had not gone out with friends so I said Yes and we were together for a short dinner and a long walk at Kalyani Nagar. She's (Sonia) a very good friend of mine and we were meeting after a good 2 months. So we had a lot to talk about. It was a chilly evening and night was getting darker and colder with the artificial lighting courtesy to MSEB. She wanted to listen who "SHE" is whom I fell in love with and I wanted to know about why she had cried last night.

We walked towards Burger king for having kinda dinner. Sometimes I love fast food as a dinner just for a change otherwise I am always happy with traditional Indian food as dinner or lunch. We saw couples walking towards the Lounge and Discs and wonder if we could do the same. I saw sexy gals wearing sexy outfits and I kept staring until they disappeared.

Burger King at Kalyani Nagar is good place except the Owner Uncle who is too khadoos to deal with. By the way, we placed our order and I saw people were chatting on different tables around us. I listened one of the guy talking about football game and the other boasting about his Gym schedule. I heard a couple talking about their conflicts and saw Sonia playing with her ring.

Finally I asked Sonia why she cried last night and she told about her dad forcing her to see guys from and choose one of them. Why all the dads are like that, they want their daughters to get married and produce children...what a fuckin idea? We talked about "HER”, about Rinki one of my old friends who was born at the same date (31 Oct) before 25 years and her father was also behind her for marriage. We also discussed about the couples and groups entering ABC farm. They came dressed in colorful Halloween outfits. They were looking so happy and excited about that night and we kept wondering if we would also feel the same one day.

By the way after a good 2 hour of chatting…it was almost 10:30 PM and Sonia’s dad had already tried calling her 4 times and I could feel those vibes of tension on her face. So I asked her if I could drop her to her hostel so that she could call her dad and make some excuses why she could not pick the call (I keep wondering why sometimes Girls' fathers act like Monster). I consider myself lucky when it comes to parents, as I hardly hide anything from them and they also look happy when it comes to trust in their son (did you notice I just boasted about myself huh..).

Now I feel that I can not do much about Sonia so I am just dedicating one poem which I made while my way back to home from hers.

The cold light of moon was streaming through the window,
and she cried, cried and cried;
she thought if someone would knock the door and give her a shoulder,
or if someone would call her and tell her to be bolder,
nothing happened but she cried, and cried;

she found herself alone with the demons of her own,
she asked herself the worst question why she was born...
she could do nothing but cried, cried..and cried;

The time was passing, night was chilly and gettig colder,
God listened to her and sent her a set of shoulder;
Her friends were around her at midnight, she was surprised'
they all made her cheer and take her for a long ride;
her smile was back and she felt satisfied,
that's why God makes friend who are always your side.

Thank you Soina..I hope you would enjoy this poem and excuse me for giving a happy ending I am an optimist..

Note: Sonia is an imaginary name I gave to my friend.